™
A Journey
Into the Infinite

Nitty gritty observations of the Tonal and the Nagual

During a shamanic journey in 1998, I found myself suddenly inhabiting the assemblage point which is the I-Am of Orlando and myself as a singularity of consciousness.  In this visionary state, we stood together on the bow of a great sailing vessel, out among the stars.  As I-as-Orlando looked across the bow, it was to see my significant other, Wendy, also wholly conjoined with her own double in a state of perfected cohesion.  With the experience came the Knowledge that this was the answer to the first question:  Who Am I?  For the duration of the visionary event, the question was easily answered.  I am... I-Am.  Upon returning to ordinary awareness, the question became centered around the mindset of a warrior and how s/he actually may set about achieving this state of cohesion which ultimately leads to the manifestation of the singularity of consciousness - the integration of the mortal self and the eternal Double.

     The true test of assimilation into transformation is if you can hold it all together within your awareness, or if it slowly dissipates and leaves you lost and hungry for external stimulation. This is the nature of timelessness and wholeness within the seventh sense, for when you begin to be whole and cohesive, there is no difference between now and the moment I first seduced you with my words back on a cold snowy evening in November of ‘94. It is all happening simultaneously throughout eternity, so will always be within you right Now once you are whole, but only a thread of retreating memory until you embrace that cohesion completely.

The problem is that you are still seeing from the plateau of linear reality, and so time stretches out behind you like a road you traveled long ago, when in the seventh sense reality it is happening right now and eternally forevermore. From where you presently stand, instead of that same energetic seduction flowing through you to ignite the flame to light your path of heart, it is viewed as a past memory and so it leaves you empty and lonely because it does not exist in the Now of your perceptions.

This is another way to glimpse the nature of cohesion. If the things you have learned and the experiences you have amassed are only memories stored in the brain, they are not really a part of Infinite you, but only connected to the physical self, yes? And while it is true that some of these memories have contributed to the wholeness of you and will follow you into eternity, it cannot really be said that they are the heart and soul of you, but only recordings of events which contributed to your personal inventory. We have come to the point in your journey where these things must be made part of you through Doing if they are to have any benefit in your confrontation with the eagle when you face your final test to claim your destiny.

Be gentle with yourself, but also be firm and demanding, for that is the nature of the finest seductions of the Self, yes? This is not an easy concept, and so we will approach it slowly until it yields its secret willingly instead of having to be taken by force. Ah, but never forget that sometimes a firm pressure must be steadily applied to break through into the ecstasy of conjoining utterly with something. And so it is up to each of you to always be caressing the question of your own cohesion and coming to understand its nature by learning to speak its language and coming to see through its infinite eyes.

You’ve come too far to go back to the safe sanctuary of oblivion, and so without this wholeness you would be cast asunder, each individual fragment of your consciousness hurled in a different direction, still aware but without reference, without cohesion, an infinitesimal number of screams echoing endlessly into the abyss, and all of them only what’s left of you and nothing more. Indeed, legends of purgatory arose from the seers who had glimpsed this state and struggled to describe it.

I tell you this so that you might fully comprehend what is at stake and see it as real instead of only philosophical fantasy. Never forget that while some dreams are only midnight masturbations and others lucid journeys brought into being through your own volition, still others might be seen as tests or gifts from what you presently call allies. What matters now, of course, is what you Intend to do about it.

I am made of apple cider winters
and childhood memories of children I never was.
Broomsticks and pumpkins define me
but do not confine me.
Harlequin tears paint my eyes,
yet this is the pigment alone,
not the reason I weep.
In between all of these things is my cohesion.
It is made of poetry
yet it is not the pomes.
It is woven of Stygian memories,
yet there is no single recollection
greater than all the others,
all just faded pictures
in an album of beautiful illusions.
I am made of snowflakes and stardust,
moments stolen from the Nothing.
Sometimes if you look close enough
you can see them glittering
in the black silhouette doorway
cast in the likeness of immortal me.
Only then will you know who I am.

As much as the question of cohesion might be answered with an understanding of who you are, it must be equally considered from the viewpoint of what binds it together beyond all physicalities, and this could be translated into more familiar terms, such as losing the human form.

Cohesion is an infusion of eternity itself, taking this Wholeness into yourself such as you have done when we stood on the bow of the ferryman's boat together, looking out toward the stars we held in our hand.  As much as you might think you merely experienced a lone moment of seeing what it is to be me, it could also be said that you conjoined with eternity in that moment and experienced the totality of your cohesion – the identity of self that lies beyond all linear memories and all illusions of space/time and matter/energy.

You became for that brief time, the entity of I-Am, and that is why you were loathe to return to your mortal shell, for in those stolen moments you became Whole for the first time, yes? For myself, I know this to be true, but it is a compound question each of you must ask of yourselves. Is this who you are and where you are going? If so, then you have tasted briefly the results your own cohesion, but a taste alone is not enough and the results will never come to be if you fail to complete the journey. It whets your appetite but does not quell the hunger, and this is as it must be if you are to fully embrace the transformation into eternity.

There is no straightforward way to communicate this to you, and so I stumble through the long dark nyght with words in the shape of arrows, hoping to hit somewhere close to the target. Perhaps a better approach is to look at how to do this, though it is more of a mythical not-doing than any direct action. So look from the corner of your eye, indirectly, at the schism implied by external validation as opposed to internal motivation. If you are still requiring external validation in the form of continual input to confirm your existence, you are still moving forward in a linear manner, failing to embrace all that has gone before, and the results of this are that the memories fade and the seductions lapse into what you think of as the past, and you become empty inside because it is all only Memory and not really Experience.

On the other side of that abyss exists the seventh-sense-within-the-self, where there is no difference between today and last week. It is there  that there is no difference between us, no veil of perception separating your world from mine, for it is there that the worlds are truly one and all time is the present and we are Whole together, lying down inside one another to rest even though rest is never required.

This is the state of cohesion, the conjoining with eternity so as to be Whole in this moment you think of as Linear Now, which is the only thing that can facilitate your Wholeness beyond the mortal abyss, yes? More delicately put, you have to be Whole before you will know how to become Whole. It is Being. It is choosing to embrace the internal Self of cohesion instead of being driven to seek external validation, confirmation and stimulation through the linear doings of phantom activities. It is returning to the first question but taking that question to the next level, where the line must connect with itself at infinity to form the circle, yes?

Eternity is right now. It never ends and so I am never hungry unless I choose to be. In this way, it is also never stale and so there is no danger I will fall out of love or lose my way to a case of sour grapes. Do you see? Within the circle of cohesion, this is the only truth. From the line of linear time, that truth can never be seen and the empty hunger will eat you alive, leaving only a husk of past and fragmented memories.

Which way do you Intend it to be?

Orlando - May , 2004

Copyright 2006, 2007, 2008
by Della Van Hise
All rights reserved